Thanks
November 22, 2008
Well, I’m taking a week off to go celebrate my birthday then Thanksgiving with family and friends. That means a lot of cake and pie and mashed potatoes and late-night Turkey sandwiches and everything that’s not conducive to losing weight. But there are times when losing weight isn’t my #1 priority. There are times when my #1 priority is gravy. Yum.
Hope everyone reading this has a great Thanksgiving and I will be back with some new stuff at the beginning of December.
My Hero
November 19, 2008
There are very few people I have a whole lot of respect for in the fitness business. But one person who I could not possibly feel more affinity and affection for is Jack Lalanne. A few years ago I was on my couch at home and I was either sick or just exhausted from a late night, I can’t remember now. As I was flipping around the channels looking for something to zone out or fall asleep to and I came across ESPN Classic which was doing a marathon of Jack Lalanne’s daily TV show from the 50s and 60′s. I was completely captivated by him. Part of it was because I enjoy almost anything from the that time period, but beyond that I loved his attitude and his philosophy and his boundless energy. It’s not so much that I agree with everything he says, but he embodies an enthusiasm and “can-do” spirit that I really admire. He talks a lot about vim and vigor and intestinal fortitude and a lot of other words your rarealy hear these days. Even when losing weight wasn’t a concern of mine I used to love to watch the show which I would tivo every morning.
Here are some Jack highlights.
Jack’s 10 Steps for self-improvement:
Jack shows you how to lift 1000 pounds (or accomplish any impossible task):
Jack’s dog Happy who meanders in and out of the set during filming:
Sadly, ESPN Classic stopped showing the show in the morning, I guess to make room for some Shamwow commercials or something. The good news is there have been a few DVD releases that you can find at Jack’s site. I highly recommend his “Collector’s Edition” DVD’s Vol. 1-4. If you buy them as a package they’re dirt cheap. They’re probably the only exercise videos I’ll ever watch because they’re the only ones I enjoy watching. The exercises are scored by an organ player right in the studio! The shows seem a little bizarre compared to what you see these days, but I think they’re perfect.
Diet Probation
November 17, 2008
What you see in this blog is not just my attempt to lose weight, but also my attempt to quantify the process of losing weight without following a diet. As I struggle through that, you will get to see the touchstones that I come upon during that search. So this post covers an idea I had this weekend.
To summarize:
My idea is that you know what you need to do to lose weight. You know that if you have a 14-egg omelet with sausage and chocolate-chips for breakfast that you should take it easy for lunch and dinner. In fact you know better than anyone the best way for you to lose weight because you’re you and you know what your issues are. The idea that the answers are out there somewhere is actually slowing you down. You don’t fail to lose weight because you lacked some knowledge that would allow you to lose weight, you fail to lose weight because you lack follow-thru. The ideal situation is that you are not constricted by any rules but you are still losing weight. This doesn’t mean that you’re eating like a pig and still losing weight, what I mean is that there are no particular types of food that are prohibited and no times of day that you have to eat or can’t eat.
I want eating in a manner that allows you to lose weight to be incredibly important to you, but I also want it to be so second nature that you don’t think about it or stress about. It’s like taking a shower. You wouldn’t usually go more than a day or two without taking a shower, but at the same time you don’t spend you day thinking about showering. Showering is so important that you engage in it almost every day, but so automatic that you don’t worry about it. This is what not eating too much can become, but we have to beat it into you.
People hate counting calories and exercising. Do you hate counting calories and exercising? Good, then we can use them as leverage.
Weigh yourself tonight. Okay, now let’s imagine you’re on diet probation and the scale is your probation officer (It’s a dumb metaphor, but it seemed to be the easiest way to describe my idea). For the next two days you can eat and exercise as much or as little as you want. You can have 1 meal a day or 100. You can eat celery every meal or drink hot fudge. It’s up to you. But at the end of the second day you have to check in with your probation officer again. Have you lost weight? If so you get another two day pass. Wake up in the morning and remind yourself that you’re trying to lose weight that day, but beyond that do as you like.
However, if you don’t lose any weight you’ve violated your probation and you’re going back to diet jail. And in diet jail, you’re MY bitch. For your first violation you will be in diet jail for two day and you have to exercise at least half an hour day. Once those two days of strict calorie counting are over you’re free and you’re released out into the public again. But you still have to check in with the scale every two days.
And you can keep doing these two days with no rules over and over as long as you’re losing weight after every two-day series. But the second time you fail to lose weight you’re going back to the joint for three days of strict calorie counting and 35 minutes of exercise. And it will keep going like that. Each time you “violate probation” (fail to lose weight over a two-day stretch) you add another day to your sentence and another 5 minutes to the amount of time you need to exercise per day during the calorie-counting period. So the fifth time you fail to lose weight during the two-day no-rules period you will have to count calories for the next 6 days and exercise for at least 55 minutes per day each of those 6 days. And you’re not allowed to estimate calories during the calorie-counting. Everything needs to be measured and weighed or come from a source where the calories are already listed. But that’s a pain in the ass, you’re saying. Yes, that’s the idea.
The theory is that the prospect of counting calories and mandatory exercise will be so unappealing that you’ll curb your eating and get in a little exercise during the course of each two-day diet even though it’s not mandatory. If you keep your nose clean and stay out of trouble then every time you weigh-in you’ll have lost a little something and you’re free to live without any rules in place. But if you act like a douchebag and eat like a pig then you’re going to the pokey.
Ideally you would find that every two days you had lost at least a little weight, even just a percentage of a pound, and then you would never have to count calories or mandate exercise at all. Your goal during those two-day periods would be simply to not eat like a maniac (or, even better, eat like you’re on a first date) and maybe get some exercise in when you can and keep yourself out of jail, the big house, the pokey, the graybar hotel, Old Stoney Lonesome, the pen, the can, the hoosegow, and so on.
They Can’t All Be Gems
November 12, 2008
Hello. I’m sick and in no mood to write a post. In fact, I’ve never been in less of a mood to write a blog post. Once I recognized that, I realized that I definitely needed to go write a blog post. It’s a good precedent to set. Now, the next time I’m not in the mood to write something I’ll think, “Hey, you did it when you were suffering with a sinus infection headache so there’s no reason you shouldn’t do it now.” So I’m writing this post more for my sake than yours. So here it is.
Rita Hayworth and the Ham Shank Redemption
November 10, 2008
First off, congratulations to me. I weighed in yesterday and found myself down two pounds since last week. This doesn’t sound like much, I know, but it put me down 40 pounds overall since starting this in June. Again, I realize there are people who can lose 40 pounds in a month, but I still think 40 pounds over the course of five months or so is pretty decent. And, I should point out that I lost that 40 pounds while eating anything I was in the mood for when I was in the mood for it, and without counting calories, eliminating certain types of food, popping pills, significant exercise, drinking 10 8oz glasses of water a day, or anything else we’re told to do. My goal is to lose slowly with an eye towards maintenance. Big, sweeping changes don’t bode well for maintenance. My diet so far has pretty much consisted of eating three meals a day and before every meal I think to myself, “Remember, buddy, you’re trying to lose weight. So don’t be an idiot.” And when I go out with people for dinner or head off for vacation I think, “Hey, pal, enjoy this and feel free to indulge a little. But keep your wits about you and don’t be a moron.” So far that’s been working.
Contrary to what I said last week, I will not be doing weekly weigh-ins for the rest of the year. The reason for that is that I have a new goal to carry me through the two month holiday season. That goal is to not lose any weight. You may think I’m taking it too easy on myself and you’d be absolutely right. In fact, I’m going to change my goal. Instead of just trying to maintain my weight through the next months I’m going to try and lose one pound. For some reason that goal makes me sound lazier than just trying to maintain my weight does. Remember this post from the very beginning, Slow is Smooth and Smooth is Fast. Now, more than before, I really believe that to be true. People get stuck in that cycle of wanting to make a big change and lose 50 pounds or whatever. And they start a diet and have success and then they can’t keep it up, they gain the weight back and get frustrated. And they do this every week and those weeks become years and then five years later they’re still caught in that cycle, but now they have 70 pounds to lose. Whereas if they had set themselves a ridiculously modest goal of one pound per month five years ago, they would be at their goal weight now. Chip away. It’s like the Shawshank Redemption. In fact, go watch that movie (or read the book). I think it’s a good lesson in achieving your goals.
Starting weight – 316
Current weight – 276
Weight lost since last weigh-in – 2 pounds
The Google Diet
November 7, 2008
Today I was thinking about the Morning Banana Diet which is another goofy fad diet that was started in Japan. Actually, relative to a lot of stuff that comes out of Japan, this isn’t all that goofy. What it amounts to is: Eat a banana or two for breakfast. I have no doubt that people lose weight on this diet. Not because there is something about the diet itself that makes you lose weight, but just because it forces you to pay a little attention to what you’re eating which is all you need to start losing weight. There’s a reason a lot of fad diets work at the beginning and then stop working. And it’s not a matter of the diet itself failing or your body adjusting to it. It’s just that it’s not new and novel anymore so you don’t give it the attention you were at the start. It wasn’t the diet so much that was helping you lose weight, it was the attention you were giving to the food you were eating.
It’s like a relationship. You start a new relationship and you’re putting a lot of effort into it and you’re thinking, “This is great. He’s great. We have so much fun together.” But then the novelty wears off, you stop putting as much effort into it, things fall apart, and you start looking for a new person.
In that way the serial dater and the serial dieter have a lot in common. They’re looking outside themselves for the answers. The obvious solution is to try and find in yourself what you’re looking for outside of yourself.
But hell, that’s hard to do. So here’s an idiotic fad diet for you all to enjoy!
I call it, The Google Diet. The way it works is this. Google this phrase “andy ate a” except instead of Andy use your name. Make sure to google it in quotes. You’ll end up with a certain number of results. For example, I had 126. Now, whatever follows the “a” is what you’re allowed to eat at that meal. For example, my first result is “Andy ate a mountain of peppers.” So for breakfast on day one I can eat a mountain of peppers. It’s that easy. Your second result is what you can have for lunch, your third result is what you have for dinner, your fourth result is what you have for breakfast on Day 2. For example, my first three days on the Google Diet would look like this:
Day One
Breakfast: Mountain of peppers
Lunch: A bottle of Vitamin C
Dinner: A daddy longlegs
Day Two
Breakfast: A plum
Lunch: A frozen loaf of bread
Dinner: A lot of black beans
Day Three
Breakfast: Chorizo and French fries
Lunch: Salad
Dinner: A cat
Yum!
Once you get to the end of the results, you just loop around again. Or you can try Googling “_____ ate some” for a whole new diet. It’s just that easy! And I guarantee you’ lose five pounds in one week. Or one pound in five weeks, I forget the data. Have fun!
Murder Weapons – Strength and Agility
November 5, 2008
I don’t talk too much about exercise on this site. There are a couple reasons for that. The first of which is that at this point in time exercise doesn’t play a role in my weight loss. And I don’t intend for it ever to. This is not to say that I don’t exercise, it’s jut not something I’m factoring in. People tend to vastly overestimate the effect exercise has on the amount of calories they burn. “I went out for a mile walk today so I can afford to have this small piece of cake,” they think. But in reality that small piece of cake has twice the calories that they burned on their walk. So that’s the reason why I don’t factor exercise into my weight-loss plan. On top of that, exercise is something that takes time and I like to fill my life with a lot of different activities. I don’t want to feel like I “failed” just because I didn’t have an hour, or even 5 minutes, in the day to exercise. So I choose to lose weight solely based on controlling how much I’m consuming, and whatever effect exercise has on top of that is gravy.
The second reason I don’t talk about exercise much on this site is that there isn’t all that much to say. There are sites out there that have become quite popular by repeating the same information you can find anywhere. I don’t know why anyone reads these, but more importantly I don’t understand the motivation behind the people who write them. They’re giving the same lame financial tips that people have been giving for 30 years. “Don’t buy coffee at Starbucks, make your own!” Oh, really? Thanks for that hot tip. 10 Simple Ways to Burn More Calories, the headline will promise. And it’s always things like, “When you go to the mall, park as far away as possible.” Which is a great way to burn calories and get gang-raped. “Don’t take the elevator, take the stairs.” Wait, are you saying that doing something that’s more difficult will burn more calories than doing something easy? That’s great insight, but why stop there? Why not, “Disassemble your car at night and then put it back together in the morning.” Or, “Don’t sleep in bed, sleep while jogging.”
I do try and fit exercise into my life though. And the more weight I lose the more opportunities I have to exercise and the more fun I have with it. I don’t go to a gym or anything like that. I just do things that I think are fun in their own right that just so happen to burn calories too. Instead of trying to make time to do something you wouldn’t normally do, I think you should try and think of the things you like to do that burn calories and then do whatever you can to increase the number of opportunities you have to do those things.
That brings us to today’s murder weapon: weighted juggling balls.
One thing I do a bit that I think everyone should try and pick up is juggling. That’s right, juggling for weight loss. It won’t take you more than twenty minutes to learn the basics of it. There are dozens, if not hundreds of places online to learn juggling. This one seems pretty decent. You can also get books or DVDs. Once you have that down, buy yourself a set of weighted juggling balls. Then, everyday, juggle for as long as it’s enjoyable. Split your time between normal juggling beanbags and the weighted balls. Try new tricks and stuff with the regular beanbags and then just see how long you can go juggling normally with the weighted balls. If you don’t think 2 lbs is very heavy, try juggling with it for a couple minutes.
Here’s what’s good about juggling:
- There’s really no upper limit to it. There’s always another challenge to try. You can buy an exercise DVD and master it and not really be pushed after that point. But with juggling there’s always another trick to attempt.
- When you’re learning something new you’ll spend a lot of time bending down and picking stuff up and chasing after rogue balls–an annoying but calorie burning process.
- You can impress your kids or other people’s kids.
- Most people want lean, strong muscles — not super bulky muscles. Experts say that to get the long, strong muscles you should work out with low weight and multiple repetitions. Juggling with weighted balls is the ultimate low-weigh, multiple repetition workout for the arms.
- When you get good you can do it anywhere with any three objects.
- It’s fun because you’ll attempt something and think, “I’ll never be able to do this.” And you’ll keep attempting it and screwing it up. Over and over. Then at one point you’ll just be able to do it and you’ll have no problem doing it. It’s a very weird, non-smooth learning curve.
- You can take up joggling. I guess.
- If you do that trick where you juggle apples while eating them you’ll get a bunch of extra fiber in your diet.
Cookie Monster
November 3, 2008
Starting this week I will be posting on a regular Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule. Mondays will be reserved for a weekly weigh-in. Wednesdays and Fridays will be reserved for a weekly something or other. I don’t know just yet.
I saw a commercial yesterday that made me think people should stop throwing the word cookie around so loosely. I’m talking to you Dr. Siegal and you Smart for Life. Just because something is small and flat doesn’t make it a cookie. The first rule of cookies is that they’re delicious. The second rule of cookies is that you can’t lose weight by just eating them. This lady makes cookies. I don’t know what it is that you make, but they sure as hell aren’t cookies. Coasters maybe, but not cookies.
Starting weight – 316
Current weight – 278
Weight lost since last weigh-in – 3 pounds
